since happening upon the realization that i am running for two, i would be completely remiss to not chronicle some of my revelations and discoveries of the last 6 months:
1. it is possible to sleep all day. it is possible to want to sleep all day. it is possible to not regret sleeping all day.
2. say what you will, but i do not feel as if i am some part of a greater divine, mystical troupe of miracle people. i don't think that creating people is some sort of sacred rite. i am a victim of scientific circumstance, and all i have to show for it is a shorter temper, fatter thighs, and some dried vomit on the wall behind the toilet.
3. it's only 24 weeks into existence, and already i have to verbally discipline it.
4. i've dropped something on the floor, said "fuck it," and kept on going.
5. putting on socks makes me out of breath.
6. i realize i have to pee again while i am still wiping myself from the last time i peed.
7. they say pets instinctively become protective of you while you are in a "delicate" state. i say this is bullshit. Bing couldn't care less. he ignores me all day unless he wants a walk or a snack- in which case he becomes an insufferable pain in my ass.
8. the universe doesn't care where you are when your blood pressure drops and your body becomes dehydrated. unless you have a cushy chair and a tall glass of water, it's lights out.
9. oddly enough, men will still hit on you.
10. at some point, my hormones and some sort of instinctive poisonous chemical began betraying all of my reason, logic, and common sense.
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